Trying to stay calm

 Today is Tuesday May 30 I am in bed trying to breathe. and maintain 97% oxygen. Overall in recent days I've done well but have setbacks as I gasp and struggle to maintain my breath as I move about

Today I spoke with a admissions lady at Rosewood a assisted living center in Sparks. 

I don’t want to leave my apartment but the cruel truth is that I can’t climb the stairs without help and there is no promise of that. 

I have a new floor and it looks wonderful but the floor can’t keep me alive. 

Everyone has been generous and helpful.

Charline from Sr Mary’s home healthcare helped me with a shower something  much needed. Such sweet satisfaction. She’s a serious professional. 

I want to stay in my apartment as long as possible but it’s obvious I need help and how long that can last is debatable. 

Going to Rosewood means a loss of freedom and the  acceptance of a controlled daily life. It doesn’t have to  be unhappy but being there is an admission that my life is never going to be the same

I’m still amazed only weeks ago I was normal and happy. That’s all gone.. 

 

The Next Step

David A Fairbanks

Box contains a four wheel walker that has a seat. I is genuine motor power for an older adult. Squeeze breaks and strong metal frame. Easy to fold for carrying up a stairs. This walker can help you walk miles with comfort because you can stop sit and catch your breath.

I know that there will be challenges, getting up a stairs, unable to be put it in most autos. I plan to use my cane when I can. I'll have portable oxygen in a shoulder bag.

What's interesting is that I can breathe on my own if I relax and am probably sitting. It's interesting how I seem to breathe fast when I don't really need too Mental and emotional expectations seem to defeat reason. 

It's been 21 days now and I'm getting used to this. My ability to easily stand and walk really helps, and the cold realization of "Well, I'm here what's next?"

The urge to sleep or waste time on YouTube has faded.

Tomorrow I will put the walker together and try a few feet on the walk that runs along the 2d floor. My building is a square doughnut. A pool area in the middle. My apartment in on the first residential floor. Above a parking area.

 My apartment is right there at the top of the first stairs, on your left. There's a glass door.

A message from David A Fairbanks

A message from David A Fairbanks: 

I have been diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis and appear to be about 40% oxygen deprived in my left lung somewhat less in my right. I am going to die as my lungs finally fail. There is no cure and various efforts to stall or mitigate decline are debatable. What caused this thing to come on me? My cluttered dusty apartment? A seed of destruction in the past, I’ve no idea. The doctors think that my having pneumonia last summer and again in February exasperated the effect. In April I was at RENOWN hospital and the doctors were at their best. They used every method. After a week I could stand and walk a

hundred feet. What’s important is to breathe in sequence with physical activity. Everything depends on oxygen be it from breathing naturally or from an oxygenation box  The rhythm of breath and action will decide if I’m mobile or bed ridden. At some point my lungs will fail and I will die.Watching YouTube does Not help the people are healthy white and have money. I’m a Medicare while make at 72. Socially I’m far to obscure. No YouTube videos for me.Below is my first response to the news that my life is over and what is left is decided by medical fate: 

What can anyone say about the announcement that your life is ending and there’s no way to alter that fact. You have to face each day knowing that it’s part of a path to oblivion. Everything changes. Much of what was assumed has ended and what you can enjoy is fleeting. Even the sun seems to mock you or perhaps does not notice you and never has You are truly obscure.