The Hollow
Greg Jackson The New Yorker
Jonah Valente had been an object of amusement to Jack and his college classmates, and presumably he had gone on being one to other people ever since. An awkward, intense, muscle-bound young man, the sort you could imagine crashing through a wall accidentally, he had had the dim, muddled quality of students recruited to play football at the school, who either didn’t measure up academically or didn’t believe they did. Valente’s claim to fame, what had made him a figure on campus—one of that subset of maybe fifty classmates who, possessing some extravagance of character, defined the larger composite character by which the student body understood itself—came from his having abruptly quit football during sophomore year to take up painting, a passion he had developed apparently out of the blue and with a single-minded earnestness that embarrassed his more sophisticated classmates, who knew to disguise their sincerity. When Valente left the football team, changed his major, and began hanging out with a group of druggy slackers who loitered around the Visual Arts department like sun-drunk flies, the school paper ran a feature on his unusual transformation and he acquired the nickname Beaux Arts. This got shortened to B.A., and then Baa, Balente, Ballantino, the Baleen Whale, simply the Whale, and, by a different route altogether, Picasso. A year later, after spending the summer in Florence on a painting scholarship, Valente got kicked out of school. According to rumors at the time, his expulsion had to do with drugs, but Valente maintained among his friends that it was the school’s way of punishing him for quitting football. Jack had no basis for judgment. Nor did he really care. You knew very little about your classmates in the end, their real lives and disappointments and hopes, and what you did know was mostly hearsay, and often dubious and even somewhat fantastical.
In the indolent, halcyon days before graduation, Jack had thought about Valente exactly once. He had been lying completely stoned in a friend’s common room, gazing up at the crown moldings, when he realized that people called Valente “the Whale” not simply because of the association pattern in certain words but in reference to the story of Jonah. When this insight lit up within him, it seemed to glow for a minute with a profound and inarticulable meaning. Then he forgot it, and he probably would have forgotten Valente, too, if years later he hadn’t moved to the rural area where, according to their mutual friend Daniel, Valente lived at home with his mother. Jack’s house was in the next county over, half an hour away by car, but he was a newcomer and he didn’t know anyone else yet.
He had moved there with Sophie. “Sophie’s choice,” he jokingly told people. Really, they had both made the choice. But then, shortly after buying the house and leaving the city, he had, in quick succession, lost his new job and lost Sophie. She hadn’t left him because of the job (at a large financial firm), though she didn’t like his new job or believe that he liked it. Apparently, she didn’t like their new life in the country, either. Sometimes she called herself a journalist, but that wasn’t quite right. She wrote—nonfiction, she had a degree in it—but she picked up magazine assignments infrequently and had trouble finishing pieces. Some fire was missing in her, she’d be the first to admit. She bit off more than she could chew, spent months diving deeply into projects, then found herself paralyzed, unable to write a word. Jack had long ago stopped giving her advice. He simply assumed that he would earn the money, and she would (or would not) figure out how she wanted to spend her time, and either way they would have kids and a home, a garden, friends, vacations, and so on. Buying the house had taken the better part of a year. Then in the space of four weeks everything had collapsed.
Sophie said that her feelings for him hadn’t changed, but she now understood—it had surfaced inside her with a force she could scarcely describe—that something was wrong, wrong for her, anyway, with the life they had laid out before them, and if she didn’t get out now she never would. Jack pointed out that their new life had hardly begun. But she was unshakable. “I know myself,” she said. “Once I settle in, once we have a kid and the rest, I’ll never leave.” She looked not exactly desperate but as if she were drowning in a substance his words were forcing her beneath. “Please.” She placed her fingers on his forearm. And he didn’t argue. Better to give people space. Either they came back to you, he reasoned, or they disappeared into their own confusion and misery. With people he didn’t like, he thought of it as giving them enough rope. With Sophie, it was the usual indecision, the usual flightiness. That’s what he believed.
The house was in Trevi, a small hamlet upriver from the city, out past the suburbs, picturesque and quaint (if not quite as grand as its European name), with Bradford pear trees all along the main street, which in spring so filled the roadway and the air with petals that it resembled a snow scene. A water tower bearing the town’s name and stilted up on arachnid legs, with water stains rusting its gray-blue paint, dwarfed the two-story houses and brick storefronts and shops. Years ago, some local wag had christened this Trevi Fountain, and more recently a group of friends from a nearby college had purchased a disused bank building in the heart of town and opened a lunch counter of the same name.
Trevi sat on the train line north of the city and laid claim to the only stop for twenty miles in either direction, and, naturally, this brought a certain wealth and cosmopolitanism you did not find everywhere in the region, and certainly not in Rock Basin, where Jonah Valente lived with his mother. Initially, Jack had planned to take the train to work. He had been at Tabor Investments only a short time when he was fired. Before that, he had spent half a decade in the D.A.’s office and seemed in line for a political career. But he had burned out on that life, or that’s what he said, anyway, and in anticipation of starting a family he had signed on for what he believed would be a cushier position all around. Perhaps his new employer didn’t agree with this interpretation of his job, because, as soon as he gave his bosses a chance by making an impolitic remark on a business-news show, they had wasted little time firing him. No, they had dangled the threat. He could have fought to stay, but, instead, haughty and superior, he had called their bluff and forced them to follow through.
The house was an early-nineteenth-century farmhouse, fixed up and expanded over the years, painted charcoal following the new style, a color like smoke against the pitch-dark sky. It had clapboard siding and a metal roof, a mostly private small field with an old stone wall and a falling-down chicken coop, a tiny creek, and a wild profusion of ivy and flowers. Toward the main road there was an unpainted barn. Jack, who had been so invested in settling in—furnishing, repainting, touching up the trim, replacing cracked windowpanes, talking to contractors, landscapers, and arborists about what to do with the chicken coop, the yard, the silver maples and pin oaks—found himself overcome with apathy. He could hardly bring himself to wash the dishes or take out the trash. The mail piled up unopened on a chair in the entryway. Not long before, he had been a dynamo, on the phone with lawyers and water-treatment specialists, septic contractors, electricians, and insurance agents. He had learned about ground wells and leach fields, UV water-purification systems, sump pumps, pipe fittings, cell-foam insulation, byzantine tax exemptions and property-tax schedules, the life span of roofing shingles, aluminum roof coating, and septic-tank baffles. Baffles. He liked that. That just about said it! Finally, he’d simply stopped.
Daniel, Jack’s friend from school, said that Jack’s state of mind made a lot of fucking sense. “Jesus, considering everything. Get drunk, get laid,” he said. “The French would go out whoring.” Jack supposed that he had been the one to phone Daniel, but it no longer felt that way.
He had called for news of Sophie. Daniel was a successful magazine writer and someone Sophie often turned to for professional advice. It was Daniel, in fact, who had written the article on Valente for the school paper (“Portrait of the Artist as a Young Lineman”), and who now told Jack that he should give Valente a ring.
“Any word from Sophie?” Jack asked.
“Soph? She’s all right. She’s staying at her parents’, but I guess you know that.” Daniel laughed suddenly. “The last time I saw her, she was hanging out in bars, writing in a notebook, waiting for guys to text her.”
Jack responded stoically. “What guys?”
“Dates? I don’t know. I think she said she was writing a book. About contemporary dating, or dating apps. Something like that. Maybe she said ‘mating.’ ”
“I see. So she’s the one out whoring,” Jack said.
“Yeah, you’re the only one not having any fun.”
Jack could picture her sitting at the bar, her black hair unfurling about her face as she bent over her journal, pensive and daydreaming. It surprised him to find this thought, the image of her sitting there, poignant, rather than upsetting.
Still, when he reached her on the phone, he said, “So I hear you’ve been out whoring.”
She didn’t laugh at this but made a noise that suggested fatigue or annoyance, or perhaps both. “What did Daniel tell you?”
Jack gave an inaccurate, largely imaginative account of the conversation. He did not want to hurt Sophie, but at times he felt the urge to be crude, and even sometimes mean. It welled up in him like an irresistible pressure, building behind the prim dishonesty that obscured the raw, dark realities of the heart.
When he had finished, Sophie was quiet for a moment, then said, “I don’t want to get in the habit of explaining myself to you. So I guess I’m not going to.”
“If it’s freedom, it has to feel like freedom,” he suggested.
“Something like that.”
Later, with nothing to do, he telephoned Valente. “Holy shit! Jack Francis?” Boy, was it Valente—that same deep, echoic, excitable voice. “Dude, am I glad you called,” Valente said. “My mom is driving me crazy.”
It was Valente who noticed the hollow. This was not during his first visit, which he and Jack spent getting very drunk. Jack told him about Sophie, the D.A.’s office, and his brief foray into the private sector—the general cul-de-sac into which he seemed to have driven his life. Mostly, though, he listened to Valente talk about the years he had spent trying to get his artistic career off the ground, keeping body and soul together on part-time work. Valente had been employed by a house-painting crew, but something had happened and now he coached women’s rugby at a Catholic college across the river. The school was on spring break that week.
They discussed college, of course, and Jack was taken aback to find that their memories of this time did not align. He shouldn’t have been surprised by this—Valente had many strange notions—but it was vaguely unnerving to see that two people could live through the same experience and understand it so differently. Jack said that he had found everyone at college interesting at first—unique and particular and destined, it seemed, for some extraordinary future—but they had all turned out to be dull and conventional, and he increasingly saw himself as dull and conventional, too. Valente disagreed. He thought that their classmates had been deeply weird and had clung to the idea that they were dull and conventional to keep from sliding off the face of the earth.
“Look at you!” he exclaimed. “You tried to be the man in the gray plaid suit, and you got fired for mouthing off on one of those scam shows.”
This was only partly accurate. Jack, on that fateful day, had been listening to an overgrown child in what he believed were nonprescription glasses hyperventilate about the earnings figures for a Chinese company that Tabor did business with. While the man grew practically breathless and goggle-eyed at the company’s undervaluation, a graphic overlay showing a buy-sell meter flashed “Buy! Buy! Buy!”—and Jack, exhausted by this prattle, sick of Tabor and the expectation that he appear on these shows, the little devil in Jack, with an imperceptible smirk, said, “Well, yes, if you believe those figures.”
It would have been a stretch, but he could have told his bosses that he had been confused about which company Tabor was working with. Not particularly plausible, but they would have permitted him the one strike. Instead, he just said, “You really believe those numbers?” At times he felt so clear about his rightness and other people’s dishonesty that he could scarcely breathe.
He and Valente remembered the aftermath of Jonah’s expulsion differently as well. Valente seemed to believe that some sort of popular movement had arisen to reinstate him. Jack recalled nothing of the sort. He remembered jokes about Valente, and the sense, if not the outright suggestion, that it was just as well, what had happened, since there was clearly something off about their former classmate. Mythologies about Valente sprang up in his absence, as predictable as they were unlikely, but mostly he was forgotten.
Jack and Valente were sitting outside under a pergola heavy with potato vine and clematis. Jack had built a fire in the fire pit, and the wood crackled and sparked, dashing the flowers and vines in a shifting light. Valente said that he was rereading his favorite biography of van Gogh, and that the artist, who claimed to find the darkness more colorful and vivid than the day, had painted at night with lighted candles in the brim of his straw hat. “A great fire burns in me, but no one stops to warm himself,” he recited. “They pass by and see only the wisps of smoke.” That was van Gogh. Valente leaned back and tilted his head to the sky. He had lost bulk since college and now was almost thin, carved in intense relief. The light and shadow accentuated the bones and hollows of his face. He told Jack he was saving up for a summer program in France, a painting course. Not the usual bullshit, he said. You studied with some real masters. And they took you to all the famous spots: Auvers, Arles, Saint-Rémy. But it was expensive, and he couldn’t save enough unless he lived with his mom. Was he showing work? Jack wanted to know. There was a café in Rock Basin, Valente said. It wasn’t much, but it had a little gallery and he had some work up there. He told Jack that van Gogh’s first public exhibition had been in the window of an art supplier, a man he owed money to in The Hague. Van Gogh talked the guy into putting up a few of his paintings; if they sold, he said, he would use the money to pay off the debt. Well, they didn’t sell, and the dealers who saw them in the window didn’t like them, either. Valente laughed. “It just shows you,” he said, smiling at nothing but the dark. “Everyone has to start somewhere.”
“Dude, what’s in the middle of your house?”
This was how Valente greeted Jack on his third visit.
Jack handed him a beer and retrieved another for himself from the fridge. “What do you mean, the middle?”
Valente explained that he had awoken in the night with a strange intuition that there was something wrong with Jack’s house. “I kept walking around it in my head. Like circling the downstairs. Then I realized there’s an area that’s not part of any room.”
Jack shook his head; he didn’t understand. Valente said he would show him and led Jack to the closed-off section of the house, demonstrating how, approaching it from any of the six adjoining rooms, you wouldn’t notice anything odd and might even confuse it for part of the stair column. It was smaller than a room and could, he conjectured, be a sealed-in linen closet or pantry, or perhaps a disused chimney shaft—though when they walked above and below the area on the second floor and in the basement, no vertical element carried through.
Valente asked Jack for a tape measure and a pen and paper and set about sketching a rough floor plan. He drew with surprising efficiency and ease. Jack watched him. The low sun barrelled through the west-facing windows, penetrating the colored glass jars along the windowsill and painting forms like watercolor blotches on the wall. Valente guessed that the sealed-off area wasn’t much bigger than three feet by six. To know more, he’d have to go through the wall. But Jack had just finished repainting the walls. So there was a hollow, so what?
They moved out into the warm, silken dusk. A golden light crested the hill, attaching to the drifts of pollen and follicles of grass flower that rose and trembled in the air. Valente gazed into the setting sun.
He spoke at times in a way that made Jack think of a boulder tripping down a hill—slow, inexorable, always in danger of veering perilously off course.
“When you said moving here was ‘Sophie’s choice,’ were you quoting that movie?” he asked.
“It’s a book,” Jack said. “Or it was a book first.”
“About the Holocaust.”
“So they say.”
Valente squinted in perplexity. “What does the Holocaust have to do with moving here?”
“Nothing,” Jack said. “It’s just a bad joke.”
Valente paused and frowned like a mime feigning thought. “When the Gestapo came to Picasso’s studio during the Occupation, there was a photo of ‘Guernica’ lying around. They asked him, ‘Did you do this?’ and he said, ‘No, you did!’ ”
Jack looked at him. “Is that true?”
Valente shrugged. “I don’t know. That’s what they say. Picasso said art is a lie that makes us see the truth.”
Jack didn’t respond, and Valente closed his eyes. In the distance, the sunlight caught a window on the toolshed and burned a liquid, blinding gold. Valente’s face had folds and pleats like an accordion. He’s aged more than the rest of us, Jack thought.
“There’s a water tower in Rock Basin,” Valente said, “just like in Trevi.” His eyes were still closed as he spoke. “For years, Rope Man and I talked about climbing up one night and painting it. Probably we were going to paint some bullshit—something lewd, you know. But now I think I’d just paint big letters that say ‘You are free.’ ”
The wrens made their evening call—jiminy, jiminy, jiminy.
“Rope Man?” Jack said.
“Friend from high school.” Valente opened his eyes. “We called him Rope Man because he had this Polish last name no one could pronounce. It started with ‘rope.’ ”
“What’s Rope Man up to now?”
“He’s dead.” Valente’s voice was flat and he stared straight ahead at the chicken coop with its busted-up lath buried in honeysuckle.
“What happened?”
For a second, Jack thought he saw a savage fire in Valente’s eyes, then the fire blinked, settling into mildness, like a star.
“When van Gogh’s cousin wouldn’t marry him, he put his hand in a lamp flame,” Valente said. “Her family wouldn’t let him see her, and he said, ‘Let me see her for as long as I can keep my hand in the flame.’ I guess it was something like that with Rope Man.”
“I don’t know what that means,” Jack said.
Valente picked at the grass where his fingers hung. “Nobody noticed he was burning up.”
“And what happened with van Gogh?”
“They blew out the lamp,” Valente said. The sun had gone mostly behind the hill. A single ray wavered above the ridge like a filament of glass. “Van Gogh didn’t kill himself, you know. Everyone thinks he did, but it was some teen-agers that liked to prank him. They shot him—probably by accident.”
“I never heard that.”
“Look it up.”
Jack closed his eyes. A faint residue of red or orange seeped through his eyelids. “Tell me more about van Gogh,” he said.
And Valente spoke, of wheat fields and flowers and crows and turbulent skies, of painting loneliness and sorrow and anguish, of moments when the veil of time and of inevitability (to use the painter’s own words) seems to open for the blink of an eye, of boats in storms, and boats pulling other boats—towing them, tugging them—and how one boat sometimes pulls another, while that second, helpless boat prepares to reverse roles someday and pull the first boat through a storm, or a time of special need. Valente described an impossible person, a scoundrel, a tramp, difficult and gruff, prone to fighting, taking up with prostitutes, rejected by everyone, repulsive even to his parents, unlovable, homeless, driven by inexpressible love, or love that was expressible only in a particular form that did not allow it to be shared between two people, and that was therefore cursed, a love that was refused while he was alive, and only, when this cretin, this parasite, offensive to every standard of good taste, was gone, did everyone see how much they did want his peculiar, displaced, and overripe love, and the same respectable people who had found him so revolting now clutched him to their breast with the fiercest longing, because a certain intensity of color reminded them, or so Valente said in his own way, of intimations of such intensity in moments of their own that they had forgotten or suppressed.
Jack had intended to get past the hollow, but he found that he couldn’t. At night, before falling asleep, or having awoken to darkness, he felt the eerie, mystical nearness of it, and this unsettled him. He started, without realizing it at first, to orient himself in the house and on the property in relation to the hollow. “Like Mecca, or Jerusalem,” he said, chuckling to himself as if the joke would rob the hollow of its power. Inspecting the walls, he found no crack or crease; the paint and plaster ran flawlessly to the corners, the ceiling, the baseboards—there was no easy way in. He began to feel angry with the sellers. Surely they had known about this secret hollow and said nothing. Maybe they had even closed it up.
Spring break ended, and Valente returned to coaching. Jack saw less of him. Jack did not miss seeing him, but not seeing anyone presented its own problem; namely, what to do with himself. He felt a great restlessness growing inside him, something vast and formless. He lay in the sunlit grass on the hill, watching the leaves migrate in the breeze. The fields and orchards in the distance appeared overexposed, gilded on one side with seams of light.
The days were blending together into one composite day. He was drinking too much, but what else was there to do? He kept thinking about a concert in the city that he and Sophie had gone to over the holidays. It was at a church uptown, somewhere on the East Side. Dark, heavy stones composed the walls and vault of the church—an intimate, tall, solid space. He no longer remembered what the concert was—a mixed program of canonical and newer pieces, played by a spare, shifting ensemble. The church was small, and attendance was sparse. What he remembered was the sound of trucks, garbage trucks, on the street outside, heavy, vibrating, accelerating, braking, letting out hisses of compressed air, and the complaints of their straining engines as they stopped and started along their route. The sound of the trucks, low and sonorous through the stone walls, had made the music more beautiful somehow, accentuating perhaps the simultaneous existence of the disparate realities that hold our fragile world together in its brittle shell. The music tiptoed along the knife edge of its key, its tones, giving the illusion of freedom when there were always far more missteps than safe harbors and nimble plunges into grace.
When Valente came over on a Friday evening, his long hair hung in greasy locks and his face was patched with dirt.
“We had a match today,” he explained and took the beer Jack offered.
“I thought you were the coach,” Jack said.
Valente drank deeply, answering too quickly and choking. “Yeah, but when we win I let the girls tackle me.” He coughed to clear his throat. “Blood in, blood out, you know—like the military.”
“Blood in, blood out? How many girls tackle you?”
“I don’t know. Fifteen? You should see me,” Valente said. “I’m like Gulliver.”
Jack pointed at his face. “Did someone punch you in the eye?”
Valente’s voice was soft and wistful. “Man, those girls are crazy,” he said. “They love to beat me up.”
A silence fell, and they briefly regarded the birds streaking through the backlit trees, stenciled silhouettes against an aureate sky.
Jack coughed lightly in his fist. “So . . . what should we do about this hollow?”
“Hollow?”
“The chamber in the wall.”
Valente seemed not to understand. “Oh, that,” he said after a minute. “But who cares about that?”
Who cares? Jack thought. You were the one who brought it up!
“Here’s what you do,” Valente said. “Drill a hole in the wall and run a fibre-optic spy camera through it.”
“I don’t have a fibre-optic spy camera,” Jack said.
“Yeah.” Valente nodded. “Too bad.”
In the creek at their feet, tiny fish idled and darted in the current. Jack watched them move beneath the braiding water.
Valente finished his beer, crushing the can between his strong, heavy hands, and grinned.
Jack grinned back. “Hey, why’d you get kicked out of school?” he asked.
Until that moment Jack had felt indifferent to this question, or worse than indifferent: he felt the answer would disappoint him. But a sudden annoyance at Valente had overcome him, a sense of the precise limit to what Valente could be or do, a sense—how to put it?—of some insuperable grossness in Valente’s character that would never, even with boundless fellowship and care, settle into sufficient self-awareness. Standing beside the green-violet Ricinus, the former football player kicked at tufts of moss and a crust of caked mud that lay along the bank of the creek. He smiled without turning, as if at the little swimming fish.
“I wasn’t, you know, ‘kicked out,’ ” he said.
“You weren’t.”
“I could’ve come back.” Valente gazed at the trees. “Didn’t want to.”
Why was that? Jack asked.
Valente squinted inquisitively as the leaves above them shook like silver-green sequins. “I was doing so much acid that summer,” he said after a minute. “Summer after they told me to take a year off. I don’t remember why, but I had keys to George Diehl’s apartment. You remember Diehl? I never liked that kid, but he was always down to get high. Well, George was away for some reason, and I’d been tripping all night. I couldn’t come down. I remember it was sunrise when I got to his place, and I lay down in his bed, but I couldn’t sleep. So I started pacing from room to room. For, like, hours. There were just four rooms, but I couldn’t stop. I was getting spooked, so I decided to watch something. George had this projector hooked up to a DVD player, but I couldn’t find any DVDs, so I just pressed Play to see what was in there. All of a sudden there were these people dancing and singing. Tons of them, in matching costumes, doing elaborate routines. They made shapes like flowers, geometric shapes. All this stuff. Too much to follow. At first I thought, This is cool, but then I started to get a bad feeling. They were like aliens. Like they were on a different planet, dancing in outer space. Somewhere you could never get to, you know? And then I thought, No, I was wrong. It was our world, the dancing planet, and I was the one who couldn’t get there.”
Jack stared at him. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“What?”
“I asked you why you didn’t go back to school.”
“Oh, yeah. Shit . . .” Valente laughed. “I guess that’s when I knew I’d never go back. I was covered in dust.”
Jack shook his head. “Dust?”
Valente nodded. “Picasso said art washes the dust of the everyday from the soul. You get it?”
A splitting pressure had arisen in Jack’s head, and the day’s brightness was making him nauseous. “Dude, you got to get off this Picasso and van Gogh thing.”
“What do you mean?”
“No one’s ever going to take you seriously, going on about Picasso and van Gogh, and wildflowers and shit,” Jack said. “I’m not telling you anything you don’t know. Find some obscure artist to talk about. Better yet, shut up. Don’t say anything. Christ!” he burst out. “You have to show people you can play the game.”
“What game?”
Jack massaged his forehead with his hand. “Don’t be obtuse.”
“But they’re the best,” Valente said quietly.
“And you know”—Jack continued without really hearing him—“it’s not like because some artist was poor or misunderstood, and you’re poor and misunderstood, things are going to work out for you. Millions of people fail. Millions for every Picasso. It’s not like failing means you’re the next van Gogh.”
“I don’t think that,” Valente said.
“Good. Baby steps toward sanity. But don’t think the people who succeed don’t play the game. They all do. Picasso did. They dance the goddam dance. Purity of spirit’s just some shit they talk about once they’ve made it to make the rest of us believe—”
Jack shut up. Valente looked so dirty and bedraggled, leaves and twigs feathered in his hair and something fierce and sad in his look. Jack could only say, more softly, “Look, kemo sabe. Tell me, where does it go from here?”
Valente didn’t respond. That haunted, confused kid they’d once called Picasso, as if in affection, with no affection, with laughter, with doubt, said nothing. He walked off. After maybe ten paces he stopped, as if about to turn, but then continued on to his car.
Jack watched him go.
The ignition sounded, and from the open window of his Toyota Valente shouted, “You’re covered in dust!”
“So what?” Jack said
“You covered me in your dust,” Valente yelled at him, putting the car in gear and lurching forward.
“I didn’t do it,” Jack shouted back. “It was those fucking rugby girls!”
But Valente was already speeding down the drive and most likely didn’t hear him.
“We’ve got a hollow,” Jack said. He was talking to Sophie on the phone.
“Am I supposed to know what that means?”
“Between the walls. There’s an empty space.”
She spoke with a certain circumspection. “Isn’t that . . . normal?”
“Not like this. It’s a big hollow. Not as big as a room, maybe, but close.”
A longer pause accreted on the line. “Jack, what’s this about?”
“It’s your house, too,” he said. “I thought you’d like to know there’s an unexplained cavity in the wall.”
“Is everything all right?”
“Besides the unexplained cavity in the wall? Yeah, everything’s awesome.”
“You sound . . . I don’t know.” She sounded tired herself. “Is everything really all right?”
Jack soothed his hot cheeks and brow against the cool wood of the doorframe. “Do you remember that concert we went to over the holidays, Soph? Somewhere uptown, off Park maybe. There were these trucks moving in the street. You could hear them through the walls while the music played.”
She didn’t respond for so long Jack thought the line had gone dead. “I remember the concert,” she said finally. “I don’t remember the trucks.”
“There were trucks.”
“All right, there were trucks.”
“And the sound of the music . . .” He no longer knew what he meant to say. The scope of something inexpressible, a mammoth, ungraspable intimation, had overtaken him.
Jack called Valente to apologize. He had heard nothing from him in a week. To his surprise, Valente’s mother answered the phone.
“Jonah’s in the hospital,” she said. “He’s all right, don’t worry, but he’s not supposed to see anyone yet.”
“What happened?”
There was a pause. “How do you know Jonah?” she asked.
Jack told her they were old college friends, and that he’d recently moved to the area.
“Maybe Jonah would like to tell you himself, when he’s feeling better,” his mother said.
Jack pondered this briefly but soon turned his attention to other things. A week later, quite unexpectedly, he received a letter from Valente in the mail. It was written on brown card stock in a large, handsome hand:
Hey Jack,
First off, don’t feel bad when you hear what happened or like you owe me an apology or whatever. We argued, so what? I don’t take it personally. But don’t add this to your list of reasons I’m crazy. I’m not that crazy. Just a little crazier than you. Or maybe not—ha-ha!
I never told you this but sometimes I get pretty low. Van Gogh’s last words were “la tristesse durera toujours,” which in French means “the sadness shall last forever.” But he died with a smile on his face, they say, and sometimes I think about that and think life isn’t so bad.
You’re right, I talk about van Gogh and Picasso a lot. What can I say? They’re my heroes and it gives me comfort to keep them close. It isn’t cool, but I guess I’m not cool. When I try to be, I feel like I’m suffocating, you know? I told myself, I’ll just say what’s on my mind and people can think what they want. Dumb, huh? I don’t think I’ll ever learn to play the game you were talking about, but maybe that’s O.K., too, do you think?
The doctors say my main issue is a lack of proportion. Well, I can’t argue with that. I get strange notions and it’s like I can’t resist. After our argument I was thinking about Rope Man, and I got it in my head I was going to climb the water tower and paint it, like Rope Man and I always talked about. I guess I was pretty drunk. Everyone says I’m lucky I didn’t hurt myself worse. Rugby’s out for a while, but the doctors are coming around to the idea that I’m not a danger to myself.
One more van Gogh story, if you won’t chop my head off for telling it—ha-ha! I don’t have my books here so it’s from memory. In a letter to Theo, van Gogh says he knows he’s a nonentity, a bum, basically, in the eyes of the world. And despite that, he says, he’d like to show in his work what’s in the heart of such a nobody. I think that’s pretty cool.
The rugby girls came to see me the other day, six or seven of them. They’re crazy, those girls! They brought me brownies they baked. I wish I’d known they were pot brownies before I ate so many. . . . I think the girls felt bad they couldn’t fight me, ’cause two of them started wrestling right there in the hospital until Nurse Ratched kicked them out. (Actually, her name’s Sally and she’s all right.) But it cheered me up to see the girls. Hey, don’t worry about me! In no time at all I’ll be back out there painting with birthday candles burning in my hat.
Your bro,
Jonah
It was two years before Jack saw Valente again. On the day in question, he and Sophie were across the river, poking around in antique shops and cafés while their infant daughter napped in her papoose. In Chandor, a town just north of Rock Basin, Jack found Valente at a craft fair, working one of the stalls. All around him were small garish canvases, showing still-lifes and cottages and bright flowering bushes.
“Jack Francis!” Valente bellowed when Jack approached.
“Hi, Jonah.” Sophie was in a different part of the fair, looking at jewelry, or retailored vintage dresses.
“What’s crackin’?” Valente appeared genuinely pleased to see him. Jack, at least, read no trace of their last encounter or the intervening years in his look, just that restive quality, as if every instant teetered on an uneasy precipice.
“Nothing,” Jack said. “Driving around. I’m here with Sophie. And a little human that popped out of her.”
Valente grinned. “Sophie finally made her choice.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Jack had forgotten his old joke. “These yours?” he said and pointed to the paintings.
“These?” Valente’s face went blank and a sudden humorless fire appeared on it. The shift was so precipitate that Jack wondered for a second whether he had, in fact, said something different and unforgivable.
“What?” Jack said.
Valente threw his head back and laughed. “Man, you must really think I suck at painting. This shit?” He cast a hand about. “I’m just doing my friend Raj a favor. I wouldn’t be caught dead painting this bullshit.”
“I see,” Jack said, not entirely sure that he did. “How’s your stuff going?”
Valente shrugged. “I’m not in the Louvre yet.”
“No.” Jack picked up and put down a canvas that seemed to show a strangely colored child or doll, or possibly a clown.
Valente was asking him a question. It took Jack a moment to realize that he was asking about the hollow. What had happened with it. “Hollow?” Jack repeated. The word triggered something in him, a sense of déjà vu, but he couldn’t quite catch the recollection. He hadn’t thought about the hollow in months, years. It seemed much longer ago than it could have been that Valente had brought it to his attention, a memory far more deeply buried in the past than the facts allowed. He stared at Valente impassively, although some slight mirth may have danced in his eyes. “What hollow?”
Valente narrowed his eyes, trying to assess what was taking place. He held Jack’s gaze, then he smiled. A snort erupted from him, a laugh, and then Jack was laughing, too. They laughed with a gathering force, truly cracking up. Jack didn’t know the last time he’d laughed so hard, or why, really, they were laughing, but they were roaring, fighting for breath.
“What’s so funny?” Sophie was tapping Jack on the shoulder. “What are you laughing at?”
Jack turned, grinning, and was about to shrug, when Valente cut in and in his loud, abrupt voice answered, “Sadness.”
Their laughter petered out. Jack studied the thinning, wrinkled skin around Valente’s eyes, waiting for something to happen. Valente was smiling broadly, entirely in earnest. It was the earnestness of a large, clumsy person, crashing through a world of glass doors and gossamer screens. Jack realized that he was waiting for Sophie to suggest that she had misheard, but she said nothing. Only pursed her lips. He breathed quietly. The day was crystalline, blue, touched by clouds. Cool. A light breeze. The market hummed. A burble of chatter. Dogs’ barks. The smell of cut flowers, of burning. Colors. Crushed leaves. Exhaust. A chime, tinkling. A yellow shawl. Time pooling. Opening. A moment, before anyone spoke. ?
Greg Jackson is the author of the short-story collection “Prodigals.” His début novel, “The Dimensions of a Cave,” will be published in 2023.